Conflict Resolution in Code Review and in Life
Code review is conflict management with a technical object in the middle.
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Code review is conflict management with a technical object in the middle. The diff is the table. Two people sit on either side of it and negotiate what the system should be. The diff itself is neutral; the conversation around it is not.
Reviewers who forget this end up writing comments that read as verdicts on the author rather than questions about the code. Authors who forget this end up defending lines of code as if the lines were the self. Both modes are expensive, and both are avoidable.
Move the conflict back to the artefact. Ask about the code. Propose alternatives in the same spirit you would offer a colleague a different route on a map. The review is over when the system is better, not when someone wins.